I didn't realize, I didn't know. I thought I was free when I left you. I thought I had healed, I thought I was whole after I walked away. I couldn't see the damage you had done, so clear to those on the outside.
They were silent until now, in the aftermath.
I know you didn't mean to, you abused yourself as much as me. You didn't consider the pain your actions caused. I still flinch when someone reaches out, I freeze when asked how I feel.
I thought I was safe, until the aftermath.
I couldn't see that I was your emotional punching bag, until after I walked away. I told myself you loved me, you just didn't know how to show it. I told myself I had gotten past the torment.
After years of emotional abuse I am numb, until the aftermath.
I didn't want to believe you meant what you said, I didn't want to feel the pain you caused. I thought I had found security and love, I thought you were different.
That doesn't change the scars left behind, in the aftermath.
I gave you my all, my love my heart my trust.
You told me I wanted too much, you gave so little.
I thought if I just tried again, gave more, asked for less.
You didn't have enough to give, not even for yourself.
Now I know, in the aftermath.
Now I am alone, and realize I always have been.
You were never there, you couldn't give love when you didn't have it for yourself. Maybe I thought I could heal you, maybe you thought I could too.
I am letting go, rebuilding myself in the aftermath.
Beautiful. Beautifully put. Coming from a past physically abusive relationship, and a past emotionally abusive one, I am always surprised at the scars that surface. I once told the second that the first was easier to take, because bruises heal . . . emotional abuse leaves scars. Emotional abuse is the one that lasts forever . . . we just don't know it until we're triggered.
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