Dear Friend,
The gift came without asking, taking me by surprise. I found myself reflected back in your eyes, trusting myself to believe.
I stand strong while accepting a vulnerability I haven't allowed before. I believe in myself again, calm in the eye of the storm knowing I can survive any possible future.
I am now capable of loving unconditionally and letting go when it's time. I never thought I could hold space for another without fear of losing myself. You gave me a safe place to love you quickly and fully while keeping my boundaries in view.
You gave me the gift of your honesty, openness, the raw passion of being. Though our time is fleeting and soon to be a fading memory, the gift of seeing myself through you will endure forever.
Dear Friend,
Make room. Make room in your life for happiness, laughter and joy. Make room to feel sorrow, and the ability to let it go when you are ready. Make room for what you need, what you want, what you desire.
My friend, I know it has been too long since you have taken care of yourself, you are always there for others first. You pride yourself on being the strong one, on being the best friend/family member you can be. Others have always leaned on you, even when you were struggling to stand up tall. You knew you could carry the burden, you could handle the pain.
Make room for someone to share your trials, tribulations and most of all your happiness. When you have shut everyone out for so long, it can seem impossible to change those habits that feel hardened into stone.
You have put aside your dreams and desires despite the sacrifice necessary to keep your happiness at bay. You
have paid the price in lost friendships, broken romance, and forgotten opportunities. You tell yourself it's easier to keep your distance, you know how to stand alone.
Make room to breath. You are afraid to clear out a space, afraid it will stay empty. Afraid the walls will echo, and the space will be filled with more pain.
Make room in your life for all of this. You are sad and heartbroken because you can't see your way to happiness, though it's simple. You have so little time to yourself, so little time to regroup and recharge. You are afraid the time you have set aside will be gone, and you will spend it trying to please yet another person.
Make room my friend, you will find that you can fill it with whatever you want, even a resounding joy that has been missing in your song.
You yearn for that person you can lean on, who will catch you when you fall. Despite that, you push away those that would hold your hand in the night, wipe away your tears without judgment. You feel you cannot trust anyone but yourself, others have always let you down.
My friend, I am here to hold your hand, wipe away your tears, and stand strong by your side. You only need to ask.
Dear Friend,
I wish you didn't have to go, I want to be selfish and keep you by my side until the next sunrise. We talked about the past and the future, as if we had all the time in the world. The end was here before the beginning took shape; leaving us yearning for more time, more touch, more breath.
The appetite of what we shared melts my heart. We gave our truth without remorse, our souls touched while our bodies entwined. Your being fit into mine with such ease and comfort, like it was meant to be. Our time together was filled with wonder and surprise like a unexpected gift from a stranger.
Come back to me when you are ready for a safe place to relax after braving all the world's pain. We will hold hands and talk about better times, those we shared together.
Dear Friend,
I found God in the face of a lost child, searching for the truth in her Mother's voice. She listened closely and reached out to touch the hand that had slipped from hers.
I found God in the eyes of a homeless man, looking for comfort from the bitter cold. He wandered away wearing his coat like a robe of broken dreams.
I found God in the voice of a stranger. They told me a story of fear and loss overcome; they hid their sorrow behind a park bench for a beggar to find.
I found God in my lover's arms. He caught me as I fell for him, pulling me into his chest where I could hear his heart beating.
I found God in the cry of a hawk searching for it's next prey. The world is for those that wish to grab ahold and take charge of their destiny.
I found God in my darkest hour. He was here with me, keeping the space for me to heal and mend.
I found God.
Dear Friend,
Remind me why I chose you, you played along with smiley faces and hand puppets made from dirty socks. I created a space for you, you filled it with darkness and empty promises.
Remind me why I gave you my heart though I wasn't sure you would keep it safe. When I broke free, I discovered you had kept it hidden behind the dresser as a souvenir of our time together.
Remind me why I said no. No more of your inconsistent attention, broken promises and shattered dreams. You hung your victories on the wall like trophies of battles won.
Remind me how I broke free from your iron grip, only to fall back into your clutches again and again. When I finally walked away, you cheerfully waved good bye as if I was only leaving the room.
Remind me why I cried for love lost, love never found. You shared a small part of your heart with me, but kept the best for yourself.
Now, I chose myself over you.
Remind me.......
Dear Friend,
I forgive you for not being your best. You have been through so much, and you haven't grown from the trauma of past hurts.
I forgive you for hurting me. You couldn't see beyond your own pain to give anyone else the love and acceptance you craved.
I forgive you for being lost, alone and scared. Though you may never admit it, you can't accept weakness in yourself or others.
I forgive you for keeping your secrets. I know how hard it is to trust, you couldn't see beyond those that had broken your confidence in the past.
I forgive you for keeping your distance. I could see right through you, and that can be scary.
I forgive you, I hope you find your way back.
Dear Friend,
I hold my head up and tell you what I have achieved, the look of respect is better than pity. I don't mention what it took to get here, the struggles you can't comprehend. I don't want to see charity or even worse, disbelief when I try to explain why it's so hard to get out of bed some days.
I tell you I feel fine when my whole body is hurting and I want to lie down and give up. I don't want your well meaning advice, I have tried so many different things to overcome the daily agony.
I hold my head high and tell you what you want to hear. I can't stand to listen to myself whine about my day to day struggle. I tell you I have it under control, even when I don't. This is normal for me, and I have been told again and again it's all in my head. Just try this pill, eat this food, exercise this way.
I hold my head up because I don't have a choice. I don't want your pity, I don't want to try to explain why this is a daily reality for me.
I hold my head up, and put one foot in front of the other. The alternative is to give into the pain, the struggle. I refuse to give in, I hold my head up and keep going.
Dear Friend:
You made it so clear, you said what I wanted to hear.
You said you would stay the night.
You told me it would be all right.
You told me you would always be near.
My heart wanted to believe your lips.
My ears listened to your words oh so sweet.
My mouth wanted to kiss away your lies.
My soul yearned for release.
In that moment of passion, you believed it too.
In that moment of wanting, you whispered my heart's unspoken desire.
In that moment I was left wishing for more,wanting to even the score.
I left loving you, loving you from afar.
Dear Friend,
My Friend, you are so beautifully broken.
All your pieces bent and twisted, a mosaic of life carved out of sorrow and regret. Shattered and destroyed so deeply by your past, your
future seems lonely and love forsaken. I see your injured soul, your
frightened determination to keep out the demons of bygone mistakes.
The fear and mistrust keep you from experiencing the love you can have, just a breath away. I see your yearning, the bitter taste of past disappointment keeping you locked away in the dungeon of your own creation. You don't realize the chains that bind you are made of misunderstandings and regret.
You are so beautifully broken, like a stained glass masterpiece created from the splintered shards discarded after an unspoken promise is shattered. Standing alone in your pain, no one allowed close enough to touch your essence.
Time and again life has tossed you into the waves of despair and you have drowned without a safe haven. I feel your desolation, trapping you beneath a sea of sorrow.
Pause a moment my broken friend, breathe in and feed your heart and soul with an unending acceptance of you - as you are.
Breathe, trust and step into a beautiful tomorrow.
Dear Friend,
I didn't realize, I didn't know. I thought I was free when I left you. I thought I had healed, I thought I was whole after I walked away. I couldn't see the damage you had done, so clear to those on the outside.
They were silent until now, in the aftermath.
I know you didn't mean to, you abused yourself as much as me. You didn't consider the pain your actions caused. I still flinch when someone reaches out, I freeze when asked how I feel.
I thought I was safe, until the aftermath.
I couldn't see that I was your emotional punching bag, until after I walked away. I told myself you loved me, you just didn't know how to show it. I told myself I had gotten past the torment.
After years of emotional abuse I am numb, until the aftermath.
I didn't want to believe you meant what you said, I didn't want to feel the pain you caused. I thought I had found security and love, I thought you were different.
That doesn't change the scars left behind, in the aftermath.
I gave you my all, my love my heart my trust.
You told me I wanted too much, you gave so little.
I thought if I just tried again, gave more, asked for less.
You didn't have enough to give, not even for yourself.
Now I know, in the aftermath.
Now I am alone, and realize I always have been.
You were never there, you couldn't give love when you didn't have it for yourself. Maybe I thought I could heal you, maybe you thought I could too.
I am letting go, rebuilding myself in the aftermath.
Dear Friend,
Our hearts are like a puzzle box that can only be opened through some obscure, complicated series of manipulations. Some boxes may require only a simple squeeze in the correct
area, whereas others may require the subtle movement of several small
parts to open the box. Inside the box is a secret - a secret to your heart.
At times we break apart the puzzle box so we can put the pieces back together in a different order. The key to moving forward is to not lose the pieces to the box, but keep it whole until the next time to open the puzzle box. The puzzle becomes new, and the trick to opening it is different.
Truth, loyalty and love open the puzzle box, these are the keys to the secret kept within. Once open, the puzzle box may seem solved, but it takes effort to keep the pieces together. Without each piece, the heart begins to fade, and the breaking apart begins to create a new puzzle. Like a lost dream, the pieces of the puzzle box fade and change into a new mystery. The box closes again, and the puzzle box holds a new secret.
Dear Friend.... Its been a while, and a long journey to here.
Today, I
want to talk about divorce. People's reactions are based on their own
perception and experience. They can't change that, its like breathing.
Regardless of your opinion, Be KIND.
You don't know what the situation
was like, nor do you know the reasons/experiences leading up to a
decision to follow through. What you believe is less important than what
you do when someone says they are going through a divorce.
Try not to
judge, regardless of how much you know about that person or the
situation, you don't know the whole story.
Note: This post was originally written on November 17,
2014
Copyright © 2015, Sandra J Oliver. All rights reserved
